Things between you and me

Large spoons. Photo by Kevin Carter
Large spoons.
Photo by Kevin Carter

Stuff is in the way. It’s your stuff. My stuff. We have too much stuff. Let’s get rid of all our stuff. And just be. We’ll almost be naked without our stuff. But in a really pure way. New people in a new place with no stuff in the way.

Not the car. I didn’t mean the car. We’re going to need the car. Now that we’re leaving New York City and moving to Virginia, we’re going to need the car. I walked a mile from our hotel room to the Metro station one day to go into D.C., and I felt like a weird vagrant. I saw five other people on the sidewalk, total. When I got to New York City two years ago, I thought, how liberating. I don’t need a car. I didn’t. But then not having a car makes you odd and helpless when you live in the suburbs. Growing up on the outskirts of Salisbury, North Carolina, I knew a guy who rode his bike to work. We all knew he had lost his driver’s license after several DUI convictions. It wasn’t a lifestyle choice to pedal down the shoulder of the highway like that with cars flying past. So, we’ll keep the car.

We can’t really ditch our smartphones. No, we’ll need those too. How will anyone reach us? Maybe we can eliminate a few apps. That would be something. Our computers. We’ll need those, of course. We’ll need a Kindle for reading books. Because we’re keeping the kindle we can get rid of all the books. Only, I like the books. I have a sentimental attachment to many books. Even ones I’ll never read again. So, not those.

Let’s get rid of the televisions. They take up a lot of space, and they get in the way of meaningful conversation. Well. It’s possible I might want to see how badly my fantasy football team is doing. So, we could keep one television for that purpose only. Oh. And to watch “Game of Thrones.” But if we just have one television there might come a time when you want to watch something I don’t want to watch. So, we’ll keep two televisions. But that’s it. Our teenage son Avery can look at the wall in his room. Make shadow puppets using his hands. Unless, he starts bothering us when we’re trying to watch something good. So, maybe we’ll let him keep his television.

I’d get rid of the radios, but I really like “This American Life” and “Wait Wait Don’t Tell me.” So, we’ll keep those. I need four radios because I move around from room to room doing important things, and I don’t want to miss what is being said on the radio when I leave one room and go to another. There’s really only one big radio and three smaller ones in decreasing sizes. So, it’s not like I have some sort of radio hording problem or anything, as you’ve sometimes hinted.

Avery said the other day we have far too many large spoons in the silverware drawer. And he’s right. Totally on the money. Who wants to use a large spoon when you’re eating cereal or yogurt? The spoon barely fits in your mouth. It’s awkward.

So. We’ll throw out about half of the large spoons. Eliminate some apps. Fantastic. We’re paring it all down to basically nothing. This is going great. It’s just going to be us communing without the distraction of the large spoons and Angry Birds, sharing our essential selves in a spiritual oneness that will make other couples blush to witness. Nirvana.

Things between you and me

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